I'm just a soul whose intentions are good......

............Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood. (ahhh, Eric Burdan, what a voice)
Wishful wishing. The problem isn't being misunderstood. The problem is people have a hard time wrapping their minds around the fact that everyone thinks differently. Everyone comes from a different reality, a different place in time, a different thought process. What you think when you're 20 or 50, what your experiences/education has taught you. If only we could be judged by the good we do or the harm we cause. Not what someone else decides or claims to be true.
Let's play Ad-Libs. She dresses like a (insert your stereotype here) she must be ( insert nasty name). He always hangs with (undesirable group) so he probably does (unlawful act). He/she dates a (whatever) so they must be (whatever). Unfortunately the more uncomfortable a person is with their own self image, the harder they judge others. A bad self image causes deep hatred inside. Since we are hardwired to protect ourselves, we lash out at others instead of ourselves. People who seem more comfortable, more happy, more successful than we are. Let's bring them down to our level. If I am walking around the neighborhood, it's not because i enjoy walking, it's because I'm casing out homes for robbery. If I am talking to your boyfriend, it's not because I'm friendly, it's because I'm trying to steal him. If I get home at 3:00am it's not because I decided to hang with some friends after the show, it's because I was shooting up in an alley.
Seven deadly sins, add a couple together and watch the people roll in the mud. Thinking the worse of others makes us happier with ourselves. It's a game people secretly enjoy. EVERYONE is happy to see the person they envy brought down a peg or two. Jealousy/Envy, we all suffer from it once in a while, it's human nature. People just love to hear and spread gossip, "dish dirt", truthful or not. One person, once a close friend of mine said, "awww it's just "Talking Trash" it's not lying". Instead of bettering ourselves, lets just bring them down. Everyone nice and even. Then maybe I'll feel better about myself.
But then, we go too far. The rock starts rolling down the hill. Voicing our jealous suspicions and our envious venom. Stating them as facts and using those false facts to hurt innocent victims. The person who is doing what we want to do, but can't. Lets bring them down, teach them a lesson about being better then us.

Take one envious, middle-aged, bitter, single person and add one gullible, insecure, spouse and have a swig of my life this past year.
I've learned the hard way that a nice juicy story is way more fun for people to believe than the truth. That people just love to find out the worst of someone, especially if it looks like that person was "pretending" to be good. The more you protest your innocence, the more they laugh behind your back. "After all", they think, "I would have done it if I could have, so she probably did too". And " she deserves it, look at how she dances"(envy), "look at how she dresses"(envy) "why, I would never do that" (yea, cause you can't) "She has money and her husband doesn't mind that she travels, what's up with that? It looks fishy to me." (jealousy). "What other reason could she have to go there"(ummm...cause like the other 500 people there, I'm a fan) " She admitted she talked to him"( I talk to every band I film, that's how I get permission )
So, like the old shampoo commercial, she tells someone, and they tell someone, and so on, and so on. You find out who your friends really are and who just rather go along with the company line, it's much easier that way. After all, "It's not really my concern" and "I rather be friends with the more important side". Who really cares? " If they make a 'movie of the week' about it, maybe I'll be outraged for you", but only cause it's the popular thing to do at the moment.

Being proven innocent didn't give Fatty Arbuckle back his career or Bruno Hauptmann back his life. But time heals wounds and it can vindicate. The person who spreads dirt, is dirt. The gullible will always believe what they are told to believe, that is their own purgatory. Self doubt is it's own agony.

I first started blogging in a preemptive attempt to explain who and what I am. As a dancer and a "not too bad looking for my age" female, I have often dealt with misunderstandings by both the opposite sex and their significant others. It's hard for people to understand where I'm coming from until they get to know me. My husband and I are very much married, best friends for 36 years. I spent 30 years raising and caring for my children. I never had a young adult life. I'm just starting to catch on to the club and bar scene. I have an empty nest. I miss caring for others, so I care for young bands who need a little help now and then. I have always loved my dancing and now, without obligations at home, I can go out and dance to the bands I love to follow. The years I've spent videotaping and photographing my children gave me the experience to help bands promote themselves.

I have never wanted anything more then to help promote those things I care about. I have never asked for anything in return, I'm a mom, moms rarely get thanks, it's our job after all .
I only hope that those people I helped and who called me friend would judge me by what I have done for them and not by the gossip stitched together with half truths, hearsay and delusion.
8 months and it still hurts. Injustice is always a bitter pill. Time, give it time........

Baby, do you understand me now?

If sometimes, you see that I'm mad ...

Don't you know no one alive can always be an angel,

When everything goes wrong, you see some bad.

(group harmony) But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good:

(just Burdon) Oh Lord! Please don't let me be misunderstood ...

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Colored World I'm In Love With You

Do you believe you have a theme song? You know. The one that plays in the background as you go about your everyday life (ala every chick sitcom ever made). You spin around, throw your hat in the air, smell flowers, throw a ball to the dog, toss your hair back and laugh. And in the background, your soundtrack plays. Is it slow, classical, fast, bouncy, fun, sad? My song is the one I believe is perfect, at least for me. Every part, describes me. The playful, and yet heavy, guitar work. The complicated, but catchy, beat. The lyrics, so simple but they shine with truth. Then there's the fact that some of my favorite musicians perform it (shut up, I'll NEVER stop being a fan girl). Anyway, the dichotomy that is me, responds to this piece and I see it as a mirror of myself.  Maybe this song was written especially for someone else. Perhaps it was just a collaboration between some talented people with no real meaning at all. I just know that since the day I got it, it became mine.  When you see me, you’ll know it’s playing in me.  My theme song.

Think about it, what song plays in your head all the time? What song have you made your own???

Super Daydreams

My friend and I are dodging butterflies on the road to the Outer banks. Actually I am the one swerving the car to avoid hitting the fluttering airborne flowers, my friend is winching, fingers dug into the leather upholstery of the rental car. I cry out in anguish every time I'm unable to prevent a collision.  My friend groans.

It's a long trip from Raleigh to Kill Devil Hills. We spend the time listening to the I pod & renewing our friendship by offering insights into ourselves that are normally left unsaid. The topic turns to daydreams.

I am a marathon daydreamer, and I admit to it. What I don’t admit to is what I really daydream about.  I take the safe course.  “If I won the lottery, this is what I would do.”  We discuss the pitfalls and merits of dividing our winnings amongst our families and buying gifts for friends. We seem to be on the same page, as usual, that is why we are so close.  But at this moment in time, not close enough. I can’t share my number one daydream, it seems silly and self serving.  I don’t want my friend to think I’m being all “Mother Theresa”.  So I don’t share.

I have a problem with EMPATHY, a huge problem. I have way too much and can’t control it. My family jokes that every time I had a baby, I stole most of it’s empathy before I gave birth. Other people’s pain and trials roll off of my children’s back like water. I sit in that puddle and let it soak me in misery. All I want from this life is for those I love to be happy. That is what makes me happy. Hence my #1 daydream.

I want a superpower.  I want the power to heal. I want to make all my family and friends healthy and pain free, both physically and mentally.

I have it all worked out in my head. Somehow I would be able to control the mental production of electrical signals that the body uses and redirect them to where they are needed. I would be able tell another persons brain to make more of this or less of that and send it where it needs to go. I would even be able to do this by concentrating on the person (as opposed to “laying on hands”), in a way that some would call praying. To protect myself from the urge to “HEAL THE WORLD” , my power would be unknown, to myself and to others. When it was needed, it would kick in like an instinctive response. No one would know, and everyone would be happy.

I know, every mom’s dream, to protect her children from hurt. And since I mother everyone, my secret daydream shouldn’t be a surprise to any of the people who really know me. Yea, we all need to suffer in order to grow,  but not on my watch…OK? 

Just so ya don’t think in need to be Beatified or something, I do have a little bit of self serving reward built into my daydream.  Every time I use my power, the energy I generate causes me to lose 5 lbs.  When I start getting too skinny,  I’m going to be eating Ice cream all the time……ummm  and Cadbury chocolate bars.

I know you want a superpower,  what is it???