I'm just a soul whose intentions are good......

............Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood. (ahhh, Eric Burdan, what a voice)
Wishful wishing. The problem isn't being misunderstood. The problem is people have a hard time wrapping their minds around the fact that everyone thinks differently. Everyone comes from a different reality, a different place in time, a different thought process. What you think when you're 20 or 50, what your experiences/education has taught you. If only we could be judged by the good we do or the harm we cause. Not what someone else decides or claims to be true.
Let's play Ad-Libs. She dresses like a (insert your stereotype here) she must be ( insert nasty name). He always hangs with (undesirable group) so he probably does (unlawful act). He/she dates a (whatever) so they must be (whatever). Unfortunately the more uncomfortable a person is with their own self image, the harder they judge others. A bad self image causes deep hatred inside. Since we are hardwired to protect ourselves, we lash out at others instead of ourselves. People who seem more comfortable, more happy, more successful than we are. Let's bring them down to our level. If I am walking around the neighborhood, it's not because i enjoy walking, it's because I'm casing out homes for robbery. If I am talking to your boyfriend, it's not because I'm friendly, it's because I'm trying to steal him. If I get home at 3:00am it's not because I decided to hang with some friends after the show, it's because I was shooting up in an alley.
Seven deadly sins, add a couple together and watch the people roll in the mud. Thinking the worse of others makes us happier with ourselves. It's a game people secretly enjoy. EVERYONE is happy to see the person they envy brought down a peg or two. Jealousy/Envy, we all suffer from it once in a while, it's human nature. People just love to hear and spread gossip, "dish dirt", truthful or not. One person, once a close friend of mine said, "awww it's just "Talking Trash" it's not lying". Instead of bettering ourselves, lets just bring them down. Everyone nice and even. Then maybe I'll feel better about myself.
But then, we go too far. The rock starts rolling down the hill. Voicing our jealous suspicions and our envious venom. Stating them as facts and using those false facts to hurt innocent victims. The person who is doing what we want to do, but can't. Lets bring them down, teach them a lesson about being better then us.

Take one envious, middle-aged, bitter, single person and add one gullible, insecure, spouse and have a swig of my life this past year.
I've learned the hard way that a nice juicy story is way more fun for people to believe than the truth. That people just love to find out the worst of someone, especially if it looks like that person was "pretending" to be good. The more you protest your innocence, the more they laugh behind your back. "After all", they think, "I would have done it if I could have, so she probably did too". And " she deserves it, look at how she dances"(envy), "look at how she dresses"(envy) "why, I would never do that" (yea, cause you can't) "She has money and her husband doesn't mind that she travels, what's up with that? It looks fishy to me." (jealousy). "What other reason could she have to go there"(ummm...cause like the other 500 people there, I'm a fan) " She admitted she talked to him"( I talk to every band I film, that's how I get permission )
So, like the old shampoo commercial, she tells someone, and they tell someone, and so on, and so on. You find out who your friends really are and who just rather go along with the company line, it's much easier that way. After all, "It's not really my concern" and "I rather be friends with the more important side". Who really cares? " If they make a 'movie of the week' about it, maybe I'll be outraged for you", but only cause it's the popular thing to do at the moment.

Being proven innocent didn't give Fatty Arbuckle back his career or Bruno Hauptmann back his life. But time heals wounds and it can vindicate. The person who spreads dirt, is dirt. The gullible will always believe what they are told to believe, that is their own purgatory. Self doubt is it's own agony.

I first started blogging in a preemptive attempt to explain who and what I am. As a dancer and a "not too bad looking for my age" female, I have often dealt with misunderstandings by both the opposite sex and their significant others. It's hard for people to understand where I'm coming from until they get to know me. My husband and I are very much married, best friends for 36 years. I spent 30 years raising and caring for my children. I never had a young adult life. I'm just starting to catch on to the club and bar scene. I have an empty nest. I miss caring for others, so I care for young bands who need a little help now and then. I have always loved my dancing and now, without obligations at home, I can go out and dance to the bands I love to follow. The years I've spent videotaping and photographing my children gave me the experience to help bands promote themselves.

I have never wanted anything more then to help promote those things I care about. I have never asked for anything in return, I'm a mom, moms rarely get thanks, it's our job after all .
I only hope that those people I helped and who called me friend would judge me by what I have done for them and not by the gossip stitched together with half truths, hearsay and delusion.
8 months and it still hurts. Injustice is always a bitter pill. Time, give it time........

Baby, do you understand me now?

If sometimes, you see that I'm mad ...

Don't you know no one alive can always be an angel,

When everything goes wrong, you see some bad.

(group harmony) But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good:

(just Burdon) Oh Lord! Please don't let me be misunderstood ...

I am NOT A GROUPIE, I am a fan

Sure,whatever…..

Amazing the lies we tell ourselves, and pretend it’s the gospel truth.

I know I crossed the line between fan and groupie as soon as I traveled outside of my area to see C! . When I stopped thinking about catching them this year and started thinking about how many times I could catch them. When distance became no object and I discovered Southwest’s online “get-away” fares. And when my husband’s long running joke was no longer funny.

Me: “Look at the money we saved on this” (indicating a bill, or a purchase, or something we did ourselves instead of paying someone

Him: “Better put it in the Clutch fund”.

Anyone could see it was coming. A couple of Christmas’ ago, my son nailed it first. After a half dozen people (himself included) received C! hats, tees, & CDs, B declared “Sure looks like Clutch is having a Merry Christmas”. Later that year he told me I ruined C! for him. Every time he was getting into the music, he’d think of me.( yeah boy, that ain’t cool).

I say the problem I have with the label is the negative connotations it has. But in truth, being a groupie is just downright embarrassing for me.

The real problem is, the band is made up of people. And those people can’t be on the stage all the time. I don’t really know those people, and they don’t know me, but we sure as hell recognize each other out on the street. Being a groupie means you hit town early and check out the venue first. (looking for those pesky, no camera signs). Inevitably the bus is outside and the guys are either carrying stuff in, or walking around the area on their cells(happy to be outside). I know who they are. I know they know who I am (is that proper English?). So I’ve got to pretend I don’t see them, or acknowledge them.

Most of the time, I’m caught like a deer in headlights, with no time to recover. For the longest time I got away with a small smile and nod. Then it started to feel rude.

After all, these guys are also in smaller bands. When I go to see those bands we are all hanging in a smaller club, or bar all night. Sooner or later I’d have to start talking to them. Something is just not right when you are hugging the Techs, Roadies, and Merch guy at every show, but are ignoring the people you admire the most. All I wanted was to talk to each of them briefly, so I would no longer feel so star struck every time I bumped into one of them.

The Drummer was the easiest, he is famous for being accessible to the fans, and is really just the nicest guy (OK K, you’re letting your preference show). I got to talk to him over a year ago when the played in a tiny place(MAXWELL’S) in North Jersey. Now, we can nod at each other like old friends.

The Guitar player was next, I ran into him behind another small club(REX’S) and unfortunately for me, had had a couple drinks first.

Me: “I love you guys”

Him: “Thanks”

Me: (in my head) Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Him: (in his head) isn’t she that crazy old woman who dances like Elaine?

The Vocalist, forget about it, I’m am scared to death of him. I think he could look into my soul with his intense eyes. It didn’t help that at a recent TBG show, a well meaning friend shoved me into his face to introduce me. I don’t even know what I said, but I’m going to count him as done.

That leaves the Bass player, supposedly even shyer then I am (or was). After months of trying to come up with something original to say, I had a sudden thunderbolt of inspiration! The perfect thing to say, it wouldn’t embarrass either of us.

Me: Where’s your wife?

Him: Around here some where.

Ta Da…………!

So, are you a fan or a groupie ?? Can you talk to the object of your idolization? Who is it and what was your opening line?

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