I'm just a soul whose intentions are good......

............Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood. (ahhh, Eric Burdan, what a voice)
Wishful wishing. The problem isn't being misunderstood. The problem is people have a hard time wrapping their minds around the fact that everyone thinks differently. Everyone comes from a different reality, a different place in time, a different thought process. What you think when you're 20 or 50, what your experiences/education has taught you. If only we could be judged by the good we do or the harm we cause. Not what someone else decides or claims to be true.
Let's play Ad-Libs. She dresses like a (insert your stereotype here) she must be ( insert nasty name). He always hangs with (undesirable group) so he probably does (unlawful act). He/she dates a (whatever) so they must be (whatever). Unfortunately the more uncomfortable a person is with their own self image, the harder they judge others. A bad self image causes deep hatred inside. Since we are hardwired to protect ourselves, we lash out at others instead of ourselves. People who seem more comfortable, more happy, more successful than we are. Let's bring them down to our level. If I am walking around the neighborhood, it's not because i enjoy walking, it's because I'm casing out homes for robbery. If I am talking to your boyfriend, it's not because I'm friendly, it's because I'm trying to steal him. If I get home at 3:00am it's not because I decided to hang with some friends after the show, it's because I was shooting up in an alley.
Seven deadly sins, add a couple together and watch the people roll in the mud. Thinking the worse of others makes us happier with ourselves. It's a game people secretly enjoy. EVERYONE is happy to see the person they envy brought down a peg or two. Jealousy/Envy, we all suffer from it once in a while, it's human nature. People just love to hear and spread gossip, "dish dirt", truthful or not. One person, once a close friend of mine said, "awww it's just "Talking Trash" it's not lying". Instead of bettering ourselves, lets just bring them down. Everyone nice and even. Then maybe I'll feel better about myself.
But then, we go too far. The rock starts rolling down the hill. Voicing our jealous suspicions and our envious venom. Stating them as facts and using those false facts to hurt innocent victims. The person who is doing what we want to do, but can't. Lets bring them down, teach them a lesson about being better then us.

Take one envious, middle-aged, bitter, single person and add one gullible, insecure, spouse and have a swig of my life this past year.
I've learned the hard way that a nice juicy story is way more fun for people to believe than the truth. That people just love to find out the worst of someone, especially if it looks like that person was "pretending" to be good. The more you protest your innocence, the more they laugh behind your back. "After all", they think, "I would have done it if I could have, so she probably did too". And " she deserves it, look at how she dances"(envy), "look at how she dresses"(envy) "why, I would never do that" (yea, cause you can't) "She has money and her husband doesn't mind that she travels, what's up with that? It looks fishy to me." (jealousy). "What other reason could she have to go there"(ummm...cause like the other 500 people there, I'm a fan) " She admitted she talked to him"( I talk to every band I film, that's how I get permission )
So, like the old shampoo commercial, she tells someone, and they tell someone, and so on, and so on. You find out who your friends really are and who just rather go along with the company line, it's much easier that way. After all, "It's not really my concern" and "I rather be friends with the more important side". Who really cares? " If they make a 'movie of the week' about it, maybe I'll be outraged for you", but only cause it's the popular thing to do at the moment.

Being proven innocent didn't give Fatty Arbuckle back his career or Bruno Hauptmann back his life. But time heals wounds and it can vindicate. The person who spreads dirt, is dirt. The gullible will always believe what they are told to believe, that is their own purgatory. Self doubt is it's own agony.

I first started blogging in a preemptive attempt to explain who and what I am. As a dancer and a "not too bad looking for my age" female, I have often dealt with misunderstandings by both the opposite sex and their significant others. It's hard for people to understand where I'm coming from until they get to know me. My husband and I are very much married, best friends for 36 years. I spent 30 years raising and caring for my children. I never had a young adult life. I'm just starting to catch on to the club and bar scene. I have an empty nest. I miss caring for others, so I care for young bands who need a little help now and then. I have always loved my dancing and now, without obligations at home, I can go out and dance to the bands I love to follow. The years I've spent videotaping and photographing my children gave me the experience to help bands promote themselves.

I have never wanted anything more then to help promote those things I care about. I have never asked for anything in return, I'm a mom, moms rarely get thanks, it's our job after all .
I only hope that those people I helped and who called me friend would judge me by what I have done for them and not by the gossip stitched together with half truths, hearsay and delusion.
8 months and it still hurts. Injustice is always a bitter pill. Time, give it time........

Baby, do you understand me now?

If sometimes, you see that I'm mad ...

Don't you know no one alive can always be an angel,

When everything goes wrong, you see some bad.

(group harmony) But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good:

(just Burdon) Oh Lord! Please don't let me be misunderstood ...

Forever Young ??? Yep !

A funny thing happens when your children grow up. One night you look around and realize you've been left behind. The people you stayed home to watch and entertain every night of your adult life have gone out with new friends and you feel lonely. It really isn't funny, I mean, you didn't see me laughing when it happened to me 5 years ago.

Getting married right out of high school was a very 70's thing to do. The problem was, starting so young; you never get to enjoy the grownup things in life. In fact, you don't even know what they are. Imagine, you can't drink at your own wedding. Married 2 years, living in my own house, daughter 11 months old, that’s when I could legally have my first drink.

C (adored hubby) is a business owner and the business comes first, 7 days, 80+ hours per week. So I was home (when I wasn’t working P/T at his business) ALWAYS. I was DP (Designated Parent) 24/7 until my last little baby got her driver’s license and drove away without me.

Am I old? Do I have to spend the rest of my life doing genteel old lady stuff? Hell No! I was 45, but I felt like I was 25 and NOW, I'm having some fun.

Unfortunately for me, all our adult friends were happy to continue their lives where they were. No time travel for them. So, step one, meet new people. What to do?? Well, K and her friends are out (too young), B and his friends are out too (too wild and promiscuous). That leaves J, who is soon to be a bride and her Fiancé who just happens to be in a band that plays nightclubs. This sounds promising.

Went to see a show, liked the whole deal, and became a groupie at the ripe young age of 45. Once you take that first step towards the unknown, each one get a little easier.

Here are some other big steps I took in the summer of 2003, when I discovered my wings.

1. After years of teaching dance, finally went to workshops and got certified as a Balletone/Pilates instructor.
2. Missing the discovery through the eyes of a child, I invited my young niece to go on our annual week long camping trip.
3. Started to actually start conversations with people and learn how to go from the outside to the inside of a group.
4. Discovered Clutch.

Summer of 2008, I’m still taking new steps in every direction. But 2003 was a huge leap forward in my evolution. Now I believe that anything is possible and I think twice before deciding against doing things that may be difficult.

I have a mental list, I expand on it everyday. New goals to accomplish. Things unthought-of yesterday. I want to learn to play the drums. I want to hike in every National Park. I want to sleep in the desert tonight (just kidding). And I want to see the inside of that damn tour bus.

What do you still need to do?